


Domesticity

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Comedy, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, most tenuous relation to show ever, non-cannibalism AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 00:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was in response to kinkmeme prompt that wanted Will and Hannibal to be 'pretend husbands.'  Crack to the nth power.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Domesticity

“Will Graham, will you do me the honor of marriage?” said Hannibal over their weekly brunch.

Will nearly spat out a bite of that day’s dish. Hannibal’s take on pizza had toppings of cheese and prosciutto and a handful of fresh arugula on top of a very thin and crispy crust that was chewy around the edges. Will wondered if Hannibal was tripping balls. “I’m going to call Alana . . .” He dug in his pocket for his cell phone so he could hit that particular speed dial.

“I am afraid I should explain. I have just heard that I have inherited a rather large estate in the old country but the catch is that I have to be married in order to claim it. And yes, they accept two men being married as fulfilling that requirement.”

Will stopped searching for his phone and said, “You could get a ton of women and men to marry you.”

“Gold diggers, I know but I need someone I trust not to take advantage of the situation.”

“How about Alana or Beverly?” said Will.

Hannibal sighed. “I thought we were friends, Will.”

“How long is it for?”

“Just until we can fly there and claim the estate.”

***

“Ok, what kind of Jedi mind trick did you perpetrate on Will Graham to make him agree to this?” said Alana Bloom to her colleague over drinks after work.

Hannibal frowned. “What’s a Jedi?”

“You don’t know what a . . . That’s not the point!”

"It is being done to help me regarding an inheritance."

"That doesn't reassure me as much as you think it should." 

“I made my case and Will was won over. I don’t see that you have any right to criticize.” Hannibal leveled a rather chilly glare at her. “If you have nothing but criticism, consider yourself persona non grata.” Hannibal got up and left, leaving what he owed on the table.

Alana turned to the waiter and said, “I need another stein, please.”

***

Will was at home, making fishing lures when he heard someone knock on his door. After looking through the peephole, he opened the door and said, “I wasn’t . . . Wait, what’s a moving truck doing outside my house?”

“If we’re going to be married, we should live together first to understand each other’s habits.”

“I . . . I thought that it was just going to be a trip to the justice of the peace and filling out a marriage certificate.”

Hannibal’s face fell as much as it could fall. “Will, we may have to prove we are married. There may be questions asked. You know nothing about my daily habits.”

“But my dogs, I can’t leave them here by themselves.”

Another truck magically drove up and out hopped three men with dog carriers and boxes of treats. “I have prepared for that as well.”

“When is the flight to Lithuania?”

“A couple months from now.”

***

Will found out that Hannibal hadn’t been kidding when he said that Will had no idea what his daily routine entailed. Will woke up to find that Hannibal was already running at top speed on his treadmill. “Good morning, Will. I’ll be making breakfast after I finish running.”

“When did you wake up?” Will said, astonished not only at seeing Hannibal wearing only exercise shorts but looking sweaty and with his hair not immaculately coiffed. He found himself rather preferring seeing him this way even as it weirded him out slightly.

“I wake up at five in the morning so I can make sure to do a mixture of Pilates, free weights and cardio. I much recommend it.”

“I usually just walk and play with the dogs after work as exercise,” said Will.

“Hannibal pushed the button for his treadmill to slow to a stop. He walked to the bathroom and Will could hear the water turn on.

Will opened the refrigerator and noticed a somewhat ominous box of what appeared to be ground meat labeled ’Dog.’ Will raised an eyebrow.

“Dr. Lecter, I mean Hannibal,” said Will, knowing that he’d have to call him by his first name in order to pass as a couple. “What’s this?”

“I made dog food from scratch for your pets.”

“From scratch?”

“Yes, I did some research, bought large packs of meat and bought supplements and . . .”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have gone to that much trouble. I usually feed them kibble.”

“They’re my guests. They should eat well too.”

A short time later, Hannibal came back, wearing slacks, a white shirt and a brown apron. He quickly put a kettle on the range, made a chives omelet, fried up some bacon that had been smoked with apple wood and toasted two slices of brioche bread. He then put two filter cones on two cups, put unbleached filters into it, ground coffee beans he scooped from a bag he had taken out of the refrigerator with a burr grinder, put the grounds into the filter then poured hot but not quite boiling water on them. 

“Smells wonderful,” sighed Will. “You really didn’t have to go through so much trouble.”

Hannibal gave him a quizzical look. “I do this everyday.” Hannibal turned off the range, plated the food and put the plates on the table before taking off his apron and sitting down himself. “I believe that we should surround ourselves with beauty. It can be found in music, a painting or at the end of a fork.”

“Perhaps you should be a chef. I mean professionally.”

Hannibal shook his head. “Being a professional chef would mean that I would have to cook for people who can’t appreciate what I make. A common complaint of chefs is that there are dishes that they can’t take off the menu because people like them so much. It limits creativity and innovation.”

“People have favorites that they can eat over and over again. The amount of pleasure they get from it wins out over novelty,” said Will. “I would think of it as a compliment if they keep coming back over and over again. Familiarity doesn‘t always breed contempt, sometimes it creates joy.”

“You have a point.”

***  
Over the course of a week, Will found out exactly how much time and effort Hannibal put into being Hannibal. Besides the hour of exercise in the morning and his perfect breakfasts, he noticed that Hannibal had a very strict routine, using only the best for whatever he did. Hannibal spent hours at several different farmers’ markets and specialty butcher and cheese shops. He spent an almost equal amount of time, looking for the best ties and suits. Frankly, Will found it to be exhausting just thinking about Hannibal’s routine, especially considering Hannibal had a full workload as a psychiatrist and went out to several high society events. 

While Will used an electric shaver and Old Spice, Hannibal used a straight razor whose handle was made out of horn and that the bristles of his shaving brush was made out of silvertip badger hair. He also noticed the hair products, the expensive cologne and the delicately scented hard-milled soaps. 

“Isn’t it dangerous to use a straight razor?” said Will, while watching Hannibal shave himself.

“I used to be a surgeon, Will,” chided Hannibal as he removed the last of the soap from his face. “You get a much closer shave and my skin doesn‘t feel irritated. Yes, it takes time to sharpen and keep the razor sharp but I find I enjoy challenges. Why don‘t you feel how smooth the shave was?”

Will rubbed his thumb across Hannibal’s cheek. It really is smooth, he thought as his thumb trailed its way down towards his face. It was only the feeling of Hannibal’s breath on his thumb that made him let go. 

“Would you like to try it as well? You know I could give you a close shave if you like. You’d be in capable hands.”

“I’ll be keeping the scruff.”

Hannibal looked at him appraisingly. “As you wish. It’s not a bad look either.”

Will suddenly felt awkward. “I better get going. See you at dinner.”

***

“So, how is married life working out for you?” said Beverly as they sat at an outdoor table at a local burrito shop.

“How did you . . . “ said Will. 

“Oh, Alana mentioned it. She was surprised I didn’t already know.”

“That makes sense,” said Will. "It's just to help Hannibal with an inheritance."

“What’s that you’re holding?” Brian said, pointing at the metal box with a handle on Will's lap.

“It’s my lunch box.”

“Who packed it?”

“Hannibal,” Will mumbled.

Jimmy pouted, “I wish I had someone who packed me lunches. Want to trade?” Jimmy held out a limp carne asada burrito. A tablespoon of refried beans and a few grains of rice dropped unto the sidewalk from the frayed edges of the bite he had taken into the carbohydrate log. 

“No.”

“Come on, you got to be pining for greasy junk food by now?”

“No.” He felt rather possessive about the contents of the box.

***

“You married Hannibal Lecter?” said Jack once he noticed the gold band on Will’s left ring finger.

“Yes, is that any of your business?”

“It is if I think that it’s a bad idea for you to be involved with your psychiatrist.”

“He’s not officially my psychiatrist because you didn‘t want a doctor from the FBI saying I shouldn‘t be working for you. You made sure of that. So you can‘t really do anything about it unless you want to explain to your superiors how you skirted regulations.”

Jack didn’t say anything but he looked sullen at being out-maneuvered. 

***

One night, Will had an odd dream that there was a lost alien wandering around his house at Wolf Trap after his saucer had crashed, complete with a spooky soundtrack. He woke up and realized that the sound he heard was coming from the living room. He crept slowly, afraid that he was going to be beamed to death by a ten-foot tall alien robot. Instead, he saw Hannibal. 

He noticed that Hannibal was moving his hands in mid-air and the sounds were changing along with the change in motions of his hands. Magic? Will thought before he saw that he was doing it over what appeared to be a keyless keyboard with an antenna. He leaned forward to hear more clearly. 

Hannibal noticed him and paused. “Did I wake you?”

Will shook his head an decided not to tell him about his dream. “No, I was going to the bathroom and heard the . . . I don’t recognize the . . .”

Hannibal smiled. “It is a theremin.”

“A theremin?”

“It’s a musical instrument that you play without having to touch it. It was created by a Russian inventor named Leon Theremin. It is true that a synthesizer can do many of the things that this can do but there is something satisfying about mastering something that doesn’t sound like any other conventional instrument. I find playing it relaxes me.”

“I’m interrupting you so I should go back to sleep.”

“Good night, Will.”

Will turned to go but then stopped and said, “You should go to sleep too. I don’t want you to fall asleep while one of your clients is talking to you no matter how boring they are.”

“I’ll finish soon.”

***  
“Hannibal?” said Will as Hannibal poured the both of them a glass of red wine each after a very hard day at work. 

“Yes, Will.” 

“You’re not going to move there, are you?”

“Move to Lithuania? I have no plans to, why?”

“Just that . . . I . . . like having you around.” Will felt his words were inadequate but couldn’t quite find the right ones. “Ok, that’s selfish . . .”

Hannibal smiled. “It’s not selfish to tell someone that you’d miss them if they were gone.”

“Is this wine stronger than usual? I‘m feeling a little flushed.”

“A little perhaps.”

“It’s good, though.” The wine made him a little bold. “I can’t imagine that your relatives would be too happy on seeing me as your husband. They’d probably think you could do better.”

“I . . . don’t have relatives in Lithuania, not anymore.”

Will frowned. “I’m confused . . .”

“My parents and sister died while I was young. I was adopted by my uncle though it took a while for him to be found. Later on, we had a falling out. I came to America on a scholarship for medical school. I haven’t been back since. The land I‘m inheriting is my uncle‘s or more accurately, my family's land under his stewardship.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I should have explained things to you. You are my husband, after all, even if it’s only in name.”

“Hannibal, before we go there . . . How about you teach me a few phrases in Lithuanian?” 

“I suppose a few phrases would be in order. To say ‘My name is Will Graham,’ you can say ‘Mano vardas Will Graham.’ ‘As nesprantu’ means ‘I don’t understand.’”

“Mano vardas Will Graham. As nesprantu.”

Hannibal smiled and said, “Your pronunciation is perfect. Do you know Lithuanian?”

Will shook his head. “No, I just have a knack with languages and accents.” Will proceeded to say something in a perfect British accent. 

“Very good,” said Hannibal. “I wish you could teach me how to do that. I lived here for decades but I still sound . . .”

“I like the way you talk. It suits you. I . . . really like it.”

It may have been a trick of the light but Will thought that Hannibal’s face was slightly flushed, too.

***  
“I’ve never flown first class before,” said Will as they got on board before most of the rest of the people who could only afford economy. 

“I refuse to fly anything else, especially when the flight is more than ten hours,” said Hannibal as they sat down. “You look nervous.”

“I’m a little worried about my dogs.”

“I know you like Andrea,” said Hannibal referring to the dog walker that he hired and was currently baby sitting them, “You know she knows how to handle them. You‘ve gone away for short trips before.”

“I know.”

“I hope you like my homeland though so much time may have passed to the point I’m as much a stranger to it as you.”

“Now who’s worrying?”

***  
It was while the plane was over the Atlantic Ocean that they heard that there was going to be some turbulence and that they should fasten their seat belts. Will put his back on while Hannibal had never taken his off but tightened it. The first sign of turbulence was a mild jostle. 

“Oh, I don’t like that,” said Will.

“It was most unpleasant,” said Hannibal.

There was a bit more jostling then a few seconds where it felt like the plane was falling. Will grabbed Hannibal’s hand and their fingers entwined. Will turned to Hannibal and found Hannibal looking at him and leaning towards him as if to say something reassuring when Will leaned forward and kissed him. Will felt a brief microsecond of panic that he’d totally screwed up when he felt Hannibal’s other hand on his face. 

“I believe we are through the worst of the turbulence but keep your seat belts on until the signs say that it is safe to move around the cabin,” chirped the captain.

“Hannibal,” said Will. 

Hannibal kissed him again and Will closed his eyes. This was a kiss he couldn’t explain away with panic and fear of death and crossed wires but because he liked the feel of his lips and the smell of the man himself. After taking a break from kissing, they stared at each other for a few seconds. 

“Let’s talk about this after we land,” said Hannibal, his thumb brushing Will’s lips. “I don’t want to talk about it in the middle of . . .” Then he motioned for the rest of the plane. “You need to sleep as much as possible so the jet lag doesn’t hit you as hard.”

“But . . .”

“I want to give you some time to think about it.”

***

Will and Hannibal waited at the luggage carousel. Will held his one and only carry on piece of luggage. He knew the trick of short trips: just pack four days worth of clothes in a duffel bag then find a laundromat while wearing the last clean set you had. Hannibal had unfortunately checked in three rather large suitcases that all seemed to be the last to be offloaded the plane.

“You shouldn’t have packed so much.” 

“I need it all.”

“You just need one bag,“ said Will, holding his bag.

“I have different needs.“

Will sighed. He was feeling a bit antsy about wanting to talk about what happened. 

“Here they come,” said Hannibal, who quickly lifted all three suitcases from the carousel, one after the other. 

As they got into the cab, Will said, “Hannibal, when the plane felt like it was about to fall . . .”

“You were looking for something stable, to hold on. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Don’t interrupt me.”

“Will, I . . . do have feelings for you but I don’t want a burst of fear-laced adrenaline informing how you feel.”

Will groaned to himself. This is what he hated most about people psychoanalyzing him. 

“Tomorrow,” said Hannibal. “We have to go to see the lawyer who’s in charge of discharging the estate. Today is for rest and unpacking.”

***

The lawyer gave them a terse overview about the property after reviewing their IDs and their proof of marriage. “You have inherited the lands and the castle. However, I have to inform you that your uncle was very sick for the last decade so much of it is in disrepair, partly due to people taking advantage of his long absences at the hospital. Also, he mortgaged the estate and sold off almost everything valuable to help pay for his bills. I'm glad to say that I’ve already had some offers that would yield at least some inheritance, however.”

“I would like to see it first,” said Hannibal.

“That is your right. Now I need you to sign on these lines.” 

Hannibal did so after reading the document and asking a few questions in Lithuanian. Satisfied with the answers, he did as the lawyer suggested.

As they left the office, Will said, “I don’t like the sound of that.” 

“Neither do I.”

***  
The estate was a three hours drive from the capital Vilnius. The lawyer had been honest about the state of the place. What gardens had been there had long run wild and the castle was not much more than a ruin. Will looked at Hannibal’s face and saw utter devastation.

“Things never look as they do like when one is a child,” said Hannibal. “I thought . . .” Hannibal stopped as if he was trying to stop himself from sobbing.

“Tell me, Hannibal. I’m your husband,” said Will.

“When my parents and Mischa was alive, it was a beautiful place. When my uncle adopted me, he sent me straight to a private school to live. For some reason, I thought that they would all be waiting for me here. I know that sounds irrational.”

“No it’s just means that you were homesick.”

“There is no home to be homesick for,” said Hannibal. “I will do what the lawyer says and sell it. It should pay for coming here and whatever taxes are due.”

With that, Hannibal walked away without ever looking back.

***

Once they were back in the hotel room, Will took off his shoes and jacket. “Hannibal?”

“Yes?” said Hannibal as he sat down on the bed while removing his own shoes.

Will sat down next to him and put his hand on Hannibal’s thigh. “As tave myliu,” Will said.

Hannibal turned to stare at him. “What did you say? Do you know what it means?”

“I know what it means. It means ‘I love you.’ As tave myliu, Hannibal.”

Hannibal crushed his lips to Will’s and slid his tongue into Will’s receptive and eager mouth before nuzzling his neck. He groaned out of abject need, “Take off your shirt or I’ll rip it off you.”

Will pulled his shirt off and then over his head and threw it on the floor. He unbuttoned Hannibal’s shirt while Hannibal made short work of his tie. Pants and boxers quickly joined the rest of the clothes on the floor. Hannibal pushed Will back on the bed, lay on top of him and kissed every inch of his face while growling, “As tave myliu. As tave myliu.” Hannibal crawled down Will’s body, kissing and caressing along the way before finally resting between his legs and looking at Will’s hard cock. Hannibal grabbed the base and began enthusiastically sucking and licking him. Will grabbed the blankets to keep from putting his hands on Hannibal’s head. What pushed him over the edge was Hannibal humming while also stroking his balls with his free hand. 

Hannibal crawled up the bed so he was face to face with Will. “Now, look at the mess you made for me to clean up.” Hannibal opened his mouth and showed Will’s spunk in his mouth, closed his mouth and then showed that he had swallowed it. 

“Oh fuck, Hannibal," Will said, before closing his eyes.

***  
Will was shaken awake. “Will?”

Will opened his eyes. It was already light in the room. Hannibal was smiling and leaning on his side. “It’s already ten o’clock in the morning.”

“How long?” said Will.

“How long what?” Hannibal said, toying with Will’s pubic hair.

“How long have you loved me?”

“A long time. Ever since the day I met you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I believe you said that you didn’t find me very interesting.”

“I said that?”

“Yes.”

Will put his hand on Hannibal’s chest and began stroking his chest hair. “I can admit when I’m wrong.” 

“So, you don’t want a divorce?”

“I think I can stand being married to you for a while longer,” said Will. “What are we doing today?”

“We can eat lunch and see the city’s Old Town. Maybe tomorrow, we can go find a lake for you to fish. There are so many places to visit.” 

“We could stay in bed all day.”

“Tempting as that is, I really want to become reacquainted with where I came from. But I wouldn’t mind sharing a shower.” Hannibal kissed his cheek before sliding out of bed and towards the bathroom. 

After admiring the sight of Hannibal’s naked backside, Will got up to follow him.

Will stepped into the tub, behind Hannibal. He got down on his knees and let the heavy spray of the shower head drench him. He noticed that Hannibal's cock immediately reacted to the sight of him, naked and wet. "I left you hanging last night so . . ." Will licked the head tentatively. "I don't have much experience . . ."

"Go on," said Hannibal.

Will took more into his mouth and tried to work his tongue around it while his hands rested on Hannibal's thighs. After a few minutes, Hannibal took it out of Will's mouth and came all over his chest, which the shower quickly cleaned off.

Hannibal had a tired, contented smile. "We're still going out for lunch."

"There's always after dinner." 

***  
“This is not bad,” said Hannibal as they had lunch. “Though I could make better at home.”

Will could see that Hannibal was already thinking of ways to make the dish better. “Stop, vacation is all about not cooking. And it’s good stuff.” They had cepelinai, round potato dumplings stuffed with meat, and ‘grybiene, a mushroom soup made with local mushrooms and sour cream. Even the rye bread and butter tasted different from their counterparts in America. 

“Interested in dessert?”

Will groaned. “What’s Lithuanian for ‘stop, my stomach will explode?’ It‘d be just like that scene in that Monty Python movie where the guy has that one last mint and blows up.”

“What is Monty Python?” 

***

The morning after they got back from two weeks of visiting museums, castles and relaxing at a resort near white beaches, there was a knock on the door. Will looked through the peephole and threw open the door to have all his dogs jump and dance around him and try to lick his face, overjoyed that their master was back. He knelt and hugged each of them in turn and called them by name. “I missed you guys,” said Will while Andrea looked on with amusement. “How were they?” said Will to Andrea.

“They were no trouble at all,” said Andrea. “You got them well-trained.”

“Will, what’s going on?” said Hannibal as he walked out in his robe.

The dogs ran up to him, their tails wagging like a metronome set at prestissimo. 

“They miss you, too,” said Will.

“I think it’s my food they miss.” Hannibal gave each a pat on the head. 

***

“So, how was the honeymoon? You got a bit of a tan,” said Beverly. She then narrowed her eyes and said, “Are those hickies on your neck?”

“Uh, yeah,” Will chuckled, embarrassed. 

“Will Graham, you naughty boy,” said Beverly.

“I think I need brain bleach,” said Jimmy.

“I can’t imagine Hannibal doing anything even vaguely sexual,” said Brian. “He just gives off robot vibes.”

“Don’t talk shit about my husband!” said Will.

“You’re still married?” said Jack as he walked up to them.

“Yes, we are,” said Hannibal, who appeared behind Jack. “If you have a problem with that, then I can suggest very strongly to Will that he either go back to teaching or perhaps go into business with our friend Andrea who’s planning on opening a kennel.”

“What are you doing here?” said Jack. 

“Will forgot his lunch,” said Hannibal, holding his lunch box. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I initially did think of having Jack assign the two to be a pretend couple as part of a murder investigations but it seemed too dark of a situation to give rise to crackly fluff. The background Hannibal presents is a very modified version of some of the background in Hannibal Rising since TV Hannibal is younger than movie Hannibal and this is very AU. 
> 
> Information regarding the phrases, city names and food were found on websites. I also acknowledge that it may be somewhat iffy for the family to have retained private ownership of the castle & lands due to Lithuania's history of being occupied by the Soviets until 1991. So, yes, I'm aware of how AU this all is. 
> 
> I basically believe it's OK to write all sorts of things as long as you have a very sound understanding of the difference between what one is writing and actual canon.


End file.
